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- #020 - 7 Leadership Tips to Let Go of Negative States
#020 - 7 Leadership Tips to Let Go of Negative States
And Get The Best Out Of Yourself and Others
Leon van der Laan
May 13, 2023
👋🏻 Welcome to this week's issue of Refresh. Rethink—your Saturday dose of leadership insights to reinvent yourself.
Last week's issue about self-awareness for leaders was well received! I introduced the mood board concept to help train self-awareness in that issue.
This week, we'll discuss the next step: moving from a destructive to a constructive state.
Today’s issue will raise your self-awareness!
To recap last week's issue quickly, there are four types of emotional states -
🟢 Constructive - high energy
🟢 Constructive - low energy
🔴 Destructive - low energy
🔴 Destructive - high energy
📝 Note to yourself:
I must be aware that these states are all human. All states can and will happen to me even within the same day. Knowing this raises my self-awareness.
Destructive states, whether high or low energy, can harm us and those around us. They can lead to burnout, low morale, and decreased organizational productivity.
Constructive states have a positive impact. They increase motivation, inspiration, and happiness within yourself and others.
Recognizing when we're in a destructive state using the mood board is the first step we discussed last week.
The second step in this process is letting go of the negative state.
Let me ask you a rhetoric question first:
As a leader, what state do you want to be in for your team?
Off course, constructive!
To do that, you want to train yourself to move from destructive to constructive states quickly. 🚥
I'm by no means a master in this. But working with therapists and coaches reduced my time in destructive states. Still learning, though!
👉 So, how do we move from destructive to constructive states?
There's a book I've read that stands out in this.
It is called " Letting Go" by Dr. Hawkins.
Here are 7 practical tips from that book
1) ⭐️ Recognize and accept the emotion.
The first step is to become aware of and acknowledge the emotion. Whether it's anger, fear, or any other emotion, feel it without judgment or resistance.
2) ⭐️ Embrace the emotion with compassion.
Instead of pushing it away or trying to suppress it, practice self-compassion. Understand that emotions are a natural part of being human and that it's okay to experience them.
3) ⭐️ Allow the emotion to be present.
Rather than resisting or fighting against it, create a space within yourself to let it be present. Observe it with curiosity and non-attachment, recognizing that it will pass in time.
4) ⭐️ Release the emotion through surrender
Surrendering involves letting go of the need to control or hold on to the emotion. Visualize yourself, releasing the feeling, allowing it to flow out of your body.
📝 Note to Yourself:
When I visualise my feelings as big hard rocks in a river, I let them visually dissolve into sand and flow away with the river downstream. That way I let go of it.
5) ⭐️ Practice forgiveness and acceptance.
Letting go also involves forgiving yourself and others. Cultivate an attitude of acceptance towards yourself, others, and life situations. This helps release the emotional attachments that may be holding you back.
6) ⭐️ Cultivate gratitude and positive emotions:
Engage in practices that uplift your spirit. Practice expressing gratitude and kindness while cultivating joy. These positive emotions help counterbalance and replace the negative ones.
7) ⭐️ Maintain mindfulness and present-moment awareness.
Awareness of the present moment, recognizing when destructive feelings arise. Then we can choose to let them go.
📝 Note to Yourself:
The more self-aware I become, the higher my EQ. The higher my EQ the more I can be there for myself and my team when they need me.
These tips have helped me and the leaders I've worked with become more emotionally intelligent. `
A higher EQ means higher resilience to whatever situation you encounter as a leader.
Changing destructive states into constructive states takes time and effort.
Be patient with yourself while practicing self-awareness.
Give these tips a try, and pick up the book!
What do you think of today's issue?
Let me know, and I'll respond.
See you next week!
Leon
When you’re ready to learn how I’ve helped other CEOs / Founders develop themselves as visionary and resilient leaders, then book a free consultation with me here: